In Their Own Words
October Is National Domestic Violence Month. Two courageous women, Jessica Angelique and Ta'Nisha G. aka Big_Juisee lay bare the pain and victory of their personal experiences living with and overcoming domestic abuse. Confused about what domestic violence looks like? Can't comprehend why victims stay? Emmanuel Brown gives you Just the Facts...
If you're being abused, GET OUT NOW! Don't know who to turn to or where to go? Email Just Sayin or Jessica Angelique; we're here for you.
The Cycle of Domestic Violence in My Family
by Ta'Nisha G. aka Big_Juisee, Guest Contributer
Children who grow up in violent homes have much higher risks of becoming drug or alcohol abusers or being involved in abusive relationships, as a batterer or a victim. Children do not have to be abused themselves in order to be impacted by violence in the home. Statistics
My mother and I were having a conversation, the other day, about the cycle of violence and how it has affected our lives. As we began to reflect, we realized just where we had come from and how deep the history of violence goes within our family.
Mom was abused by her mother emotionally and verbally, as well as by her father sexually. Because of the abuse she had an extreme lack of self worth, was a loner, felt misplaced and looked for love and encouragement in all the wrong places, when what she needed was to feel the love of her mother.
teen she had become involved in a
my biological father. The first time he hit were at a party and another guy put his
there was nothing said about it at that
when they saw each other he hit her
have his hands on you for?” Mom tells
because he had never displayed any
Before she knew it, he had hit her again
eye. After that she got hit for any rea-
not wanting to have sex, clothes she
struck out whenever he wanted for no
Ta'Nisha G.
By the time mom was a violent relationship with her was because they arm around her neck, time but the next day asking “What did he me she was in shock such actions before. that was her first black son, shoes she had on, wore it didn't matter he reason at all.
Next was her relationship with my middle brother’s biological father who is the man I know as dad. He was abusive economically. Mom recalls when she questioned why he wasn't paying bills and taking care of family obligations instead of partying, he would hit her.
The next relationship she had was with a man who she abused mentally. Then came my younger brother’s father, who she never suspected would abuse her because they were friends for 10yrs. before any relationship began which is why that felt like such a betray of trust.
Mom started experimenting with drugs at 19 she tried acid, speed and marijuana. As years went on, she tried cocaine then while she was with the last abuser, she started smoking crack.
During all of this, I was growing up and being emotionally abused by my grandmother and sexually molested by my uncle, from what I remember I was 4 when it started. I tried telling my grandmother, and she slapped me calling me a lying little bitch. I'm guessing she handled things the same when my mother told her about my grandfather molesting her. Not wanting me to be any further hurt mom sent me to live with my great grandmother because she was living with a man and no longer trusted any man around me.
I grew up thinking that being molested was my fault. I was promiscuous at a young age thinking my uncle wanted me so that's what I was supposed to do. I looked for attention from boys feeling like my mom didn't want me I didn't understand at the time it was for my well being that I wasn't with her.
I never felt like I was good enough and tried to commit suicide more times then I care to count. That was my addiction, ending it all, no drugs no alcohol.
At 14, I had my first real boyfriend; he and his mother gave me the world. We were together for 2 and a half years. It ended because he slapped me, and I wasn't going to take that.
At 17, I met my abuser, who is my oldest 2 sons father. I was never hit until I had my first child and the abuse just escalated from there. The last time he beat me, after doing so for over 2 years, he almost killed me. My 2 year old son stopped him asking “What are you doing to my momma?” I knew then I had to let him go.
Soon after I met my 2 younger sons father who was very verbally abusive, had no respect for women and constantly cheated on me. The day he hit me I didn't hesitate to pick up and leave.
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My mother and I decided then that it was time to break the cycle and began a new life of freedom. Not wanting the boys to be the type of males we'd had in our lives we had to change in order to help them. It's been a struggle but we're making it one day at a time. Both having found love from within for ourselves.
